All change...

This is what I wrote yesterday:

My hairy sunbeam is unwell! Pluto had had a slightly dodgy tummy all of last week, so I reduced his food. But on Sunday he had bad diarrhoea and I noticed he had passed some blood. When we got back home I removed all his food and made the decision to starve him for 24 hours. He was listless but didn’t appear too unwell. That night however, I took him for a walk and he stood outside the front door refusing to move. We went back inside and I spent a worried night keeping an eye on him. The following morning, he seemed brighter and so went for a walk. We reached the corner and he went to toilet – it was all blood. We went straight home and I called the vet and they said to bring him in straight away.
He has some sort of bug, possibly e-coli, but the vet was calm and reassured me it was actually quite common in dogs at this time of the year. Some vets referred to it as the summer tummy bug. He gave Pluto two injections and took his temperature. It was quite high which explained why he didn’t want to do too much walking. We came away with antibiotics, rehydration salts and probiotics to replace the good bacteria. I worked from home yesterday so I could keep a close eye on him. He vomited twice during the day but because the vet had taken time to explain that this might happen, I kept the hysteria to a minimum. He was a lot bouncier on his walk this morning and the whole rear end thing seems to be getting better. He’s drinking lots thankfully, and this morning after being starved for 48 hours, he managed half of the boiled rice I cooked for him.
At one stage yesterday he climbed into my lap and whimpered and I promised him I would try and make him better. Fingers crossed he seems on the mend and I’ve kept my promise…

Last Friday was the Respect party at Too 2 Much – fab club! It was generally a very good night and we raised over £600 which was a nice little bonus. Rose gave a top performance as did all her guests. Toward the end of the evening, someone out of the blue asked me whether I was still cross at the boys upstairs for trying to hijack our summer party. (They weren't the first person to have asked me this and a couple of people moaned on the night of the party that the boys were trying to take over.) I was pissed so I was honest; yes I was annoyed at the time but I've moved on. And I have moved on. I can be v. petty at times, but you just have to let go sometime! Besides we're very fond of the boys. At the end of the day, my partner and I threw one hell of a party and everyone had a great time. And, I think 99.9% people were there for us. I guess that's really the end of the story...

Tonight is the ‘meet the players’ shindig at a pub in Soho. I’m feeling that I’d much rather be at home because I’m buggered to a standstill; work and worrying about the dog has taken it out of me! But the event deserves our support. The two players who are leading on it have done a lot of work.

I was just saving the above to load it up on my blog when I received a phone call from my mum. She's had a second brain scan (the first showed nothing). They've found shadows on the MRI scan that may mean the cancer has spread. She's being rushed in for a lumber punch and we see the consultant tomorrow to discuss when that might be. Yesterday I was worried about the dog and trying to get all my work done, oh and moaning that I was a bit tired and would prefer to be at home. Last night all that changed. Again. That's the ugly thing about cancer. It is just so exhausting. (I can only speak as someone caring for someone with cancer. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like having this fucking disease.)

You take little victories and magnify them, lauding the indomitability of the human spirit as it battles against the indignities of this disease, and then you hold your breath with each suggestion that there might be another problem, that something isn't right. 'Please come in and see us straight away, we've found something else...' Is it too late to start praying? What if I pretend it isn't happening? It's like the worst kind of roller coaster ride imaginable.

I've never liked roller coasters.

The three steps forward that you just took? It turned out you were facing the wrong way and you're back where you started, or worse, way back down the board...

Keep everything crossed for us and do me a favour, do something nice for yourself and someone you love today. What the hell, it can’t hurt, right?