Santa's brothel and the queen's train

I had a massage yesterday and I’m suffering a little today. Ok, a lot. But it’s all worth it I hope. My partner told me to book a massage because I suffer from tension in my back and shoulders, and she would pay for it! I finally got round to it and went last night. He was really good. It was an hour long and at times uncomfortable and sore but then if your muscles have been knotted for a long time, it’s going to take some elbow grease to get them relaxed and flexible again. I felt very comfortable and generally enjoyed the experience very much. I’m going back in a couple of weeks and then will try and book one every six weeks. Ideally I should try and go every couple of weeks initially, but it’s quite pricey and I’m just not sure I have the time. Although my appointment was at 5.30, by the time I got home it was almost 9 and to be honest, after sleepily making my way through dinner, I was only fit for bed.
I still, however, needed to flush! Apparently when the body is massaged it releases toxins. You then need to drink a lot to flush those toxins out so they don’t settle back down in the body. So I was peeing a lot last night. I’m not sure you either needed or wanted to know that, but I like to give you the whole story.
In some ways the whole experience was fascinating, like getting to know yourself a bit better. He suspects there’s some calcification in my left shoulder and I actually noticed and felt the little knots of muscle as they popped and moved under my skin.
Now here’s the weird bit: I swear my eyesight was better last night and this morning after the massage! My vision still feels sharp and clear but it was especially noticeable yesterday. How did that happen? Are the two things related? I wear contacts but was wearing the same pair yesterday as I am today and only took them out before I went to bed. Muchos strange.


We have a (real) Christmas tree in the pot outside the front door and one of the boys decorated it yesterday (with lights and baubles). Now we thought they were doing it with white LED lights, but as I approached yesterday evening I saw a red glow emanating from behind the bush. Curious, thought I. But then as I turned into our front garden, all became clear. The tree was absolutely covered in tiny red lights – less Santa’s grotto, more Santa’s brothel! Actually, I’m just kidding, it looks fabulous and very festive and despite my teasing, surprisingly tasteful.

My new MP3 player arrived yesterday (as did my new luxury feather pillows but that’s not as interesting as my new MP3). I did want to set it all up yesterday, but frankly I struggled with my jacket potato, can you imagine trying to decipher software and load music half asleep? So that’s my job tonight and finally I can go back to listening to music on my commute, not the snuffles and sniffles of the buggers that insist on sharing the same train as I do in the morning. Queen Liz has the right idea, have your own train with waiters in white jackets serving you fresh coffee in bone china cups. Plush armchairs that don’t have anyone else’s muddy shoe prints and / or gum on them, whisking through stations stopping for nothing and no one (looking – with not much sympathy – at all the people getting wet on the platform because their train has to wait until we pass through). A train that can also travel by road and which deposits me at my office where one of the waiters hands me a packed lunch, bids me good day and assures me they will be there at 5pm to take me all the way home again and give me a foot massage during the journey…

*Sigh*