Phobia, a psychologically unstable dog and an Indian restaurant...

Yesterday I had a very horrible experience and did wonder whether to blog about it because I’m embarrassed but actually, if I didn’t blog about it, that would be validating that embarrassment and that’s just wrong. Because being scared is nothing to be ashamed about.

I am claustrophobic. I avoid lifts (with wrecked knees this can be inconvenient); I don’t like closed doors and just generally don’t like small spaces. As I left to go and see a Dogwise client yesterday, our front door closed behind me and as it clicked shut, I thought KEYS! Yup, the keys were on the other side of the locked door on our coffee table. I was not impressed. I went to open the main front door to think through my options when I discovered it was double locked. I was trapped in a very small hallway and I went berserk. I just couldn’t think. I tried, honestly, but it was like my brain fused. I found myself trying to yank open our door. I was kicking it and couldn’t breathe. But for door that looks kind of flimsy, it wasn’t shifting. Upstairs have left two metal rods in the communal hallway and I picked one up and was about to start smashing the door. My fear was spiking and I was sweating and dizzy when I suddenly thought of my partner and called her. At first I couldn’t remember how to work my phone, but managed and luckily my partner was fantastic! I asked her to come home (wondering how was I going to manage an hour in this box that was getting smaller and smaller) but she remembered Pluto’s boarding mum had keys and persuaded me to let her call her. She did and then called me straight back and stayed on the phone with me.

It was half an hour before P’s boarding mum came and my partner talked to me all that time but I can’t remember anything she said. At one stage I became dizzy and distraught again but we worked through it. My brain was desperately trying to override my strung-out emotions: you’ve been in this hallway a million times, you’ve even been in it with both doors shut, it’s light and there’s lots of air, but it didn’t work...

P’s boarding mum turned up and was concerned I think by how pale I was and especially so when she learnt I was claustrophic. I was just grateful she was there. When she left, I went to the bathroom, threw up, and then P and I headed off to our Dogwise appointment.

The appointment was about 30 miles away in Kent. It was such a beautiful drive. I had the windows open and put on some Kate Rusby to sooth my battered soul and we arrived only 15 minutes late.

Really interesting case this one, the first dog I’ve worked with with genuine psychological issues (all the others have been training/dominance issues). Pluto was my stooge dog because the other dog’s socialisation skills are poor. True to form, she didn’t know when to back down and her excitement became aggression. My beloved and very stable Mr P wasn’t really fussed. I’ll be doing her written assessment today.

Last night we decided to put the hallway incident behind us by discovering a new Indian restaurant called Chandri in West Dulwich. It was fantastic. The service smooth and efficient, lovely stylish decor and the food was gorgeous. I had lamb shashlik and it is quite literally the best I have ever tasted.

All in all, quite a strange day really!