Why I hate male drivers

Yes I know that’s a controversial thing to say and of course, I don’t actually mean all male drivers just a small minority who frankly should not be behind the wheel. However, all my life I’ve had to put up with ‘women drivers’ bullshit – either lame jokes or out and out misogyny. These men that think they are so funny conveniently ignore the reasons why women’s insurance premiums are so much lower than men’s, even when they drive high-end cars. They ignore the fact that A&E’s are full of (predominantly young) male drivers who have spun out of control or caused a crash but regardless, let me tell you about the three reasons why I’m peed of…

1. The roads around where we live are congested with parked cars. Most people drive slowly and with extra care and often you have to pull in to let another car pass. I was two thirds of the way down the street, when a young male driver turned into the road with his head down! Then zoomed up to me and slammed on his brakes. Now let’s ignore the fact that he was driving and studying his crotch at the same time, the fact is, to rectify the situation he needed to reverse a few feet and let me pass. But instead, his very small penis and general sexual inadequacy dictated that he hurl abuse at me and turn off his engine and demand that I reverse (much further than a few feet and with a car behind me). I did seriously consider getting out of my car, with my steering lock, and smashing his headlights. However, against all the odds, I decided that would be wrong (only marginally though) and I did actually end up reversing. I mused about karma and how I was the better person and clearly far more intelligent with a bright future surrounded by people that I love and who love me, and a healthy no claims bonus. But I was also really fucking angry that I didn’t smash his headlights. I am, after all, only human.

2. I got to the car park that I use in Hammersmith and saw two appalling examples of male driving within about an 8 minute period. The first was when I turned down a ramp only to note (with some surprise) that a BMW was driving up the ramp clearly marked no entry, and with very large yellow arrows which helpful indicate the way one should proceed. I held up my hands to indicate the surprise which I mentioned previously and the driver slammed on his breaks (do men have to spend more on break pads me wonders?). Instead of holding up his hands or smiling to indicate that it’s just been one of those mornings, to which I would have smiled back to indicate that we all have those mornings, he snarled at me and swore something. His lip actually curled and he glowered at me. Because clearly my being able to read and drive at the same time is a threat.

3. So I park the car and begin to walk to the exit when a car (guess the gender of the driver?!) screeched to a halt at the barriers, took a ticket and then roared off up into the car park. He actually left rubber either side of the barrier. Despite it being a car park with other vehicles in close proximity and more importantly people walking about, he decided that the only way to prove that he was a real man was to risk his own and other people’s life and drive like the fucktard he really was.

So the next time someone feels like scraping the barrel to drag up another ‘women drivers’ quip, let me just assure you that the reason we’re not making jokes about male drivers is because we’re actually concentrating on the road. We’ll get home safely. Let’s hope those men I mentioned do too... for all our sakes.