One step at a time

It’s hard not to feel melancholy when you’re unwell. You feel lousy, vulnerable and often, if it’s bad enough, you’re prevented from doing the simplest things that you would otherwise take for granted. Other than my trip to hospital I haven’t been outside at all. I can still barely get out of bed and I’m battling to stay positive even though I know positivity is crucial to my getting better. I haven’t worn clothes in over a week, a natty array of nightwear yes, but no day clothes and each day is dominated by the alarm that goes off at 9am, 12 noon, 6pm and 9pm to signify I need to take more pills.

You also start to realise how much the person who is looking after you – in this case my lovely girlfriend – is actually doing, and so you start to feel guilty as well. I have arranged for some flowers to be delivered for her at work today. 60 Cornish daffodils! I thought they would make the perfect thank you and cheer up her office at the same time. At the moment, she is taking care of herself, the dog and me as well as working a demanding job...

I'm also going cold turkey. I'm not allowed to buy stuff. Normally, I just flick through the world wide interweb buying pretty much anything that takes my fancy but no more. I've decided (a) I have enough stuff (b) I need to be more fiscally responsible and restrained, especially as soon I will be a married woman. Not having been married before I'm not 100% certain, but my understanding is you just have to be much more grown up when you're wed - about everything! And so it starts here. Just when I could do with some cheering up, my wallet is closed for business.

Anyway, I do have goals (you’ll be delighted to hear), tomorrow I’m going outside. I’m not sure what I’ll do when I get there, but watch out world! Friday I want to go for a little drive, Saturday we are doing some grocery shopping and then friends are coming for tea and cake. Actually that sounds quite a lot, lol?! Anyway, Sunday will just be about resting and preparing to return to work.

Right now I need to sort out some breakfast which is a nice thought because a couple of days ago I couldn’t even do that! Progress indeed!