Why I hate male drivers

Yes I know that’s a controversial thing to say and of course, I don’t actually mean all male drivers just a small minority who frankly should not be behind the wheel. However, all my life I’ve had to put up with ‘women drivers’ bullshit – either lame jokes or out and out misogyny. These men that think they are so funny conveniently ignore the reasons why women’s insurance premiums are so much lower than men’s, even when they drive high-end cars. They ignore the fact that A&E’s are full of (predominantly young) male drivers who have spun out of control or caused a crash but regardless, let me tell you about the three reasons why I’m peed of…

1. The roads around where we live are congested with parked cars. Most people drive slowly and with extra care and often you have to pull in to let another car pass. I was two thirds of the way down the street, when a young male driver turned into the road with his head down! Then zoomed up to me and slammed on his brakes. Now let’s ignore the fact that he was driving and studying his crotch at the same time, the fact is, to rectify the situation he needed to reverse a few feet and let me pass. But instead, his very small penis and general sexual inadequacy dictated that he hurl abuse at me and turn off his engine and demand that I reverse (much further than a few feet and with a car behind me). I did seriously consider getting out of my car, with my steering lock, and smashing his headlights. However, against all the odds, I decided that would be wrong (only marginally though) and I did actually end up reversing. I mused about karma and how I was the better person and clearly far more intelligent with a bright future surrounded by people that I love and who love me, and a healthy no claims bonus. But I was also really fucking angry that I didn’t smash his headlights. I am, after all, only human.

2. I got to the car park that I use in Hammersmith and saw two appalling examples of male driving within about an 8 minute period. The first was when I turned down a ramp only to note (with some surprise) that a BMW was driving up the ramp clearly marked no entry, and with very large yellow arrows which helpful indicate the way one should proceed. I held up my hands to indicate the surprise which I mentioned previously and the driver slammed on his breaks (do men have to spend more on break pads me wonders?). Instead of holding up his hands or smiling to indicate that it’s just been one of those mornings, to which I would have smiled back to indicate that we all have those mornings, he snarled at me and swore something. His lip actually curled and he glowered at me. Because clearly my being able to read and drive at the same time is a threat.

3. So I park the car and begin to walk to the exit when a car (guess the gender of the driver?!) screeched to a halt at the barriers, took a ticket and then roared off up into the car park. He actually left rubber either side of the barrier. Despite it being a car park with other vehicles in close proximity and more importantly people walking about, he decided that the only way to prove that he was a real man was to risk his own and other people’s life and drive like the fucktard he really was.

So the next time someone feels like scraping the barrel to drag up another ‘women drivers’ quip, let me just assure you that the reason we’re not making jokes about male drivers is because we’re actually concentrating on the road. We’ll get home safely. Let’s hope those men I mentioned do too... for all our sakes.

52 weeks and one day later...

Yesterday was the year anniversary of when my partner moved in. Yes, a whole year... 12 months, 52 weeks etc. I can't believe how it's flown by and it's been such a fantastic year as well. (Fantastic because she moved in.) Anyway we opened a bottle of champagne and eventually I fell asleep in front of the TV with the dog stretched across my feet, whilst she sewed some buttons on to a jacket.

Ahhh... domestic bliss.

S'up?

Apologies for not blogging for an age, but what can I say, I'm a busy lady...

1. The website launch went well (my boss gave me a card and a bottle of champagne to say thank you)
2. I finished my work magazine in time for my week off
3. We went to the Peak District for a couple of days to work on an organic farm
4. Slept in a Romany caravan (with a badly smoking stove!)
5. Became very fond of three cows called Lily, Sweetheart and Evie
6. Had to come home early due to a bad case of flu :0(
7. Bought new kitchen curtains, they look fab!
8. Repainted the hall
9. Planned our next big vacations: 2 weeks in Scotland this Summer, 4 weeks in South Africa next year (also going on tour with Steelers to Dublin and hopefully going camping in Cornwall with Slightly)
10. Watched a lot of NCIS and Murder, She Wrote wrapped in a duvet in a desperate attempt to get better quickly
11. Caught up on my letter writing
12. Ate pancakes in bed
13. Bought new trainers for me and new hubcaps for Peggy
14. Paid my £100 fine for stopping in a box junction (AAARRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!)
15. Went to see live music last night and going for tea and cake with friends today
16. Have my photography exam next Tuesday

I think you're pretty much up to date now :0)

Nipples!

Ha! I’m up to my nipples in work and if I don’t stop for a break I’m going to go quite mad. I’m enjoying myself don’t get me wrong, but this is the day before the launch and I’m surrounded by bits of paper, valentine’s chocolates, empty coffee cups, internal envelopes (not sure why) and stressed colleagues…

My Chief Executive has organised for every member of staff to get a valentine’s heart-shaped chocolate tomorrow with our new web address on it. A clever idea, but something else for me to do (buy chocolate, print out labels, cut out labels, stick on labels… real back to basics stuff).

So I’ve done the press release, the publicity, the new posters, I’m testing the site and adding the last bits and pieces, I’m also working on a new company advert, I’ve just finished our Tenants and Residents magazine (readership: 19,000 people) although I am waiting for one more article and then there are about a dozen smaller jobs (inc. finishing off the chocolates and then organising for them to be delivered). So far I’m staying focused but I’ve been on the go so long I had eaten my packed lunch by 9.25 this morning…

Anyway, hello Mr. R (oldest and dearest friend from Brighty who regularly reads my blog in his lunch break).

Right, I’ve got things to do, people to shout out and all that…

PS. I had an interesting meeting last night, the beginnings of a pan-London gay sports network… don’t have time to write much more than that, but could be quite a good thing if you like your sport pink…

Last orders?

I’ve decided to give up drinking! Maybe not forever, and I think it’s insane to give up drinking champagne which is less of a boozy tipple and more of an event but yes, I’m elbowing beer, vodka etcetera.

If I drive somewhere, I naturally don’t drink, and I kind of like waking up the next morning feeling fresh, ache free and without a break dancing liver screaming for mercy.
Also (and this may surprise you because I don’t strike many people as vain, although newsflash: we’re all vain to a greater or lesser degree), I like the fact I look quite young. I suspect binge drinking will rob me of my rosy glow before long. I am after all in my thirties (newsflash: your 30s absolutely rock…)

So let’s see what happens shall we. It may last it may not. But anything that causes you to drink even just slightly more responsibly has got to be a good thing.

Some days are just better than others

Yesterday was the missus’ birthday and I did, as planned, make her breakfast in bed. She loved her cards and presents (her main present was the bike stuff but I bought her a few extras so she would have something to unwrap on her actual birthing day). We then went our separate ways to work – she had a good day and so did I and then we went out for dinner with her folks and her brother and that was lovely too! We came home (the dog had been for a walk with his best friend and was all excited) to more birthday cards, and rather unexpectedly, a bottle of champagne and a card addressed to us both, on our doorstep. It was from the boys saying ‘a small card to say a huge thank you for everything you did for us on Saturday’ and it put an even bigger smile on our faces! I also received a Nike England Rugby polo shirt. Somehow the RFU have me down as a volunteer for rugby in the community – which I am but I don't know how they know – anyway as a thank you for my work, they sent me a free top! How nice was that!

Today I woke up (after a lay-in!!) to deep, thick snow. I had already arranged to work from home today and tomorrow because of the inclement weather and I woke up feeling relaxed and refreshed. The dog loved the snow again and I took some gorgeous photos of our garden and the park…

Anyway, I have lots of work to do so I’m off… if you only do one thing today, throw a snowball!

Cold shoulder

My work colleague (you remember, the one I was ranting about before Christmas) when confronted by complaints of shoddy time keeping and rudeness, has decided to blame me – for everything. I’ve just found out and am naturally a little bit pissed off. My boss wants us to go to mediation. I’m thinking of refusing. As another colleague has pointed out (who also made a complaint about her) that would be like saying I’ve done something wrong when in my opinion, his opinion and another colleague’s opinion, all I’ve done is bear the brunt of her lack of professionalism…

Why are people such c*nts? Why not say, OK, I admit I haven’t done my best and I need to pull my finger out. Instead of which they desperately look around for someone else to blame because lack of moral fibre and a large custardy streak of cowardice makes them unwilling to face up to their problems and take responsibility for their own actions.

It’s freezing out there today and I would have chewed off my own foot to stay in my warm bed with my warm girlfriend but alas, it was not to be. But the dog enjoyed his walk; meeting up with his girlfriend Charlie and playing with the enormous Great Dane puppy Millie. So he was happy, and by association so was I. You can’t help but smile when you see him throw himself around the park having the time of his life and then running back to you with a big grin on his furry chops…

Tomorrow is my girlfriend’s birthday. I plan to make her breakfast in bed and we’re going out to dinner in the evening. You see this is why I should keep my colleague’s behaviour in perspective – I have a very happy life, she clearly doesn’t!

Big gay wedding

The wedding was amazing! There was a chill in the air, but the weather was bright and clear; with one of those deep Mediterranean blue skies… perfect. We drove to the hotel in the morning to check in early and meet the boys and even the traffic was on our side. The room was lovely and we were actually a little early so we had a coffee before we wondered down to meet the other guests – some old friends, some new. When the boys arrived they looked stunning. So handsome in their matching wedding suits.

I was very nervous at this point, but excited and happy too. We reached the Eye after flagging down some taxis (the one my partner and I and the boys were in was pink, how appropriate!)

The Eye looked magnificent arching across the cloudless sky – with red noses on every pod! There was a bit of hanging around but that gave us plenty of time to go to the loo (quite a few times!) and take pictures. Then they met the registrar who later on came over to meet me and a friend who was the ring bearer and then we were off! By now, even people who had never met before were chattering excitedly to one another and we did feel very VIPish when we were ushered up a separate walkway, in front of the queuing public (they held everyone else back until we passed). The wheel stopped and a team dived in putting in flowers and champagne. The turning of the wheel takes thirty minutes (in my humble opinion that’s the perfect time for a wedding… any longer and people start to get a bit bored). My partner – who looked absolutely stunning and got rather more attention from gay men who kept telling her how beautiful she looked, than she was expecting! – took over camera duties and I concentrated on the bench in the middle of the pod because it wasn’t moving and that was helping keep my fear of heights in check! The first reading was song lyrics the boys had chosen, the Greatest Reward, the second reading I wrote. I knew once I had made people laugh, start to cry and then burst into a big round of applause that I had done well and all the nerves and anxiety melted away and that’s when I wanted to cry because I suddenly felt very proud.

We managed two glasses of champagne before we landed and then we had to go off and sign the registry (I was one of the witnesses), cue more applause and more tears…

The transport back to the hotel was a red 1950s double-decker bus, bedecked in flowers and that immortal sign attached too many a wedding vehicle “just married!” Passers-by waved and clapped, a few no doubt wondering where the bride was and why the groom and best man were kissing…

Then there was a champagne reception and a sit down and rather gorgeous lunch – sorry, blatant name check here, but Thistle Kensington Gardens excelled themselves in every area the whole weekend. The food was fantastic and the staff were great. Then the missus and I went for a little disco nap in our room! (We’d been on the go since 6.30am.)

I came down a little earlier than her and watched the rugby (that fantastic result almost made me cry as well!) and then there was more food, more drink and lots more laughter. Rose Garden did a fabulous show in the evening, the boys cut the cake (yum!) and then we danced the night away.

I’ve included the 2nd reading. I was very touched that so many people came to tell me afterwards how the reading made them feel; how special they thought it was and what a good job I had done. It meant a huge deal.

Our first, but hopefully not our last civil partnership and the best wedding I’ve ever been too.

Reading

The Gamut

Soft you day, be velvet soft,
My true love approaches,
Look you bright, you dusty sun,
Array your golden coaches.

Soft you wind, be soft as silk,
My true love is speaking.
Hold you birds, your silver throats,
His golden voice I’m seeking.

Maya Angelou

Love is the ultimate contradiction; how to be strong by being completely vulnerable. We are asked to compromise more often with our lovers than we are with any other. We are asked to understand that an argument is not the end of a relationship but rather the beginning of a new level of understanding. We are asked to understand, sometimes, even when we don’t. And we are asked to understand that to earn trust we must show trust. No-one ever said it was going to be easy! But if we can laugh together and cry together, if we treat each new experience as an adventure, if we think the same things are silly, if we fight the same battles – if we are prepared to fight the same battles, if we can touch each other and shiver, if we can look at each other and see the lessons and memories of the past and the excitement and uncertainty of the future, in short, if it keeps getting better – then we are in love.

Rise above then the petty worries that trouble you and embrace a gentle feeling that will keep you cool in your youth, secure in your middle days and warm in your older days. Go together and see the world with fresh eyes and eager minds, be prepared to be wrong but try and be gracious when you are right!, and look at each other every so often as if you have never seen each other before… go on a first date every month. Say nice things, compliment each other, laugh even when the joke isn’t that funny! Gather those that you love and who love you, around you, and always, always be brave, even when you feel anything but. Remember that being gentle requires huge strength and to be gentle with each other is a precious thing indeed.

Neil and Shaun, you found each other and you have decided to share your lives and your love. Never let either of you take for granted the valuable gift you both have. Always feel blessed, because you are blessed. And let us remember those that cannot be here today because they are also part of this journey. There will be times when it will be hard, but be strong, be true and remember compromise is very in right now!

If it’s ok to steal someone else’s quote… Neil and Shaun we are gathered here today… to tell you that we love you and we wish you long happiness and short troubles, quick hangovers, small bills, big hugs, and lucky lottery numbers because really, the only thing more important that the air that we breathe, is the hand that we hold.

Man mushroom

We went upstairs for a beer last night with the boys. It was nice to touch base after the stag do and before the wedding. They are remarkably calm. I however, am slightly shitting myself. I want to read the readings well, I want to not panic about being on the Eye (I’m claustrophobic and not great with heights), I want them to have the best day of their lives, I want to remember to thank everyone when I do the speech later, I want to not get on the Eye and then realise I need a wee etc., etc. Of course, as Denis Norden used to say (he may not say it anymore because I think he may be dead) ‘it’ll be alright on the night’… I just need to relax and celebrate the fact that two very dear friends are in love. I hope I look alright in my new suit?!

Ok, enough about me or rather enough about the wedding. I have a confession, in the car on my morning commute I radio station hop; Harriet and Jamie on Heart, Chris Moyles on R1 and Aunty La La on XFM. Chris Moyles irritates me and it disappoints me that he doesn’t have the sense to realise his responsibility as a broadcaster and to NOT use the word gay as a put down or call a woman a slag live on air (it’s not about how he uses or intends a word to be used, it is how it is heard and perceived, but obviously being a self confessed ego maniac, he doesn’t think that far ahead). And I’m sorry, but no-one can ever replace our beloved Sarah Cox on the morning show and I’ve had the hump with R1 ever since so really there are a lot of issues wrapped up in this not liking the CM show malarky.

But today, on the show Kelly Osborne was a guest and I ended up literally crying with laughter. Thank god I was stuck in traffic and not a danger to my fellow road users. Tears poured down my face when they were talking about the naked photo shoot and CM’s “man mushroom”. He handled it well I have to say, he’s pretty good about being teased and the whole thing was the funniest ‘sketch’ – although completely spontaneous and improvised – I have heard on the radio for a long time. I felt all cheerful coming into work. Of course if you didn’t hear it, this is a pointless blog and you don’t know what I’m talking about. Never mind.

I used the new hoover last night. Bugger me that’s some suction! It wasn’t just the carpet lifting, it was the floor boards as well. The hall carpet looks like new!